40 stairs
by Devil of My Family
Summary: Just 40 stairs between them and freedom. But with Sam too sick to walk on his own, Dean more hurt than he lets on and something left unfinished, those 40 stairs can be more than enough to be too much. Complete [Epilogue added]
1. Chapter 1

**40 Stairs**

**AN: **I am back. Yeah yeah yeah, took me a while but I'm here now.

I scared my baby sister to death with stories about a boy that had fallen down the stairs we were coming up. He would take all under 12 year olds to live with him because he was lonely. The truth was that I was just pissed off because there was a perfectly nice lift next to the stairs but my sister decided that it was too boring. Anyway, this story is kinda based on that experience. Don't wanna tell how much cuz that would give away the plot.

**Warnings: **Language (cursing and mistakes, English is not my own language)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

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**Step 1**

18 year old Dean Winchester was in a good shape. It would be no problem for him to run up 40 stairs. He would probably not even be out of breath when he reached the top. But that was only under normal circumstances. Right now he was dragging his 14 year old little brother with him, trying to make him walk by himself. Dean had known he was sick when they found this hunt but John had said he was healthy enough to come along.

Well, he wasn't anymore. He wasn't even healthy enough to stand. Yet alone climb up forty stairs.

Dean sat Sam down on the first step. The younger boy rested his head against the wall and frowned. He was not feeling good. Oh no. Not good at all.

"I think I'm gonna be sick..." Sam mumbled.

"Just make sure you don't throw up on my shoes..." Dean replied, looking up the stairs.

"Oh, God..." Sam said, making Dean look at him instead of the stairs. The kid looked bad, way worse than the day before. And he had looked bad then, too.

"Sam? Sammy, look at me", Dean said, kneeling down in front of his little brother. "We have to get out of here and the only way to do that is to climb up those stairs. I'm gonna help you as much as I can, okay? And we'll stop as many times as you want. Once we get out, we'll find Dad, tell him we finished the spirit and go home, okay? Then you can rest and we won't go anywhere until you're better. I promise."

Sam looked at Dean. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Promise. Dad'll probably make us move again", Sam said.

"Even he knows you need some rest."

"I can sleep in the car."

"No, you need actual rest. No moving, just a warm bed and sleep. You were sick in the first place, you shouldn't have come along. Why didn't you put up a fight like you usually do? This one time when you actually should have?" Dean asked.

Sam swallowed. He really didn't feel like talking. "Dad was... I knew Dad was gonna send you here alone..."

"Christ, Sammy..."

But before Dean could start lecturing Sam, the younger was down on all fours, throwing up everything he had ate just four hours before. That hadn't been much, considering that Sam could hardly keep anything down, but his stomach seemed to come itself, too. The heaves turned into sobs as Dean helped Sam back into sitting position.

"Sam? Hey, buddy... You have to relax, okay? We're not in a hurry here…"

"That's new…" Sam said quietly.

"First time of everything. You think we could start getting up though?"

Sam swallowed. He looked up. God, the exit was so war away… What if there was still something down here? What if they would get caught just because he was too tired to walk by himself? He was slowing Dean down…Didn't Dean see that he should just go and send someone to get Sam? "You should go…"

"Yeah, sure. Cuz we all know that big brothers leave their little brothers down in some random place while they are sick."

"I'm serious, Dean."

"So am I. I'm leaving here without you. You're wise enough to know that much."

"I'm holding you back!" Sam said a bit more strongly.

"There's nothing to run away from anymore. We finished the spirit. It's gonna be okay. Just stop suggesting stupid things. Okay?"

Sam looked like he wanted to argue. He wouldn't win, he knew that, but maybe he could talk some sense into his brother. Why did he have to be so heroic all the time? "It's wasn't a stupid suggestion…" Sam mumbled. "You should just get out and send someone to get me. It's cold down here, you'll get sick!"

"Well, look who's talking, it's Mr. NeverFeltBetter himself! I'm not leaving you alone and that's it", Dean said.

"What're you afraid of? You said it yourself, there's nothing down here anymore. I'll be fine!"

"You _will _be fine? You _are _not fine encase you haven't noticed", Dean pointed out.

"Trust me, I have", Sam said. "But that's not the point…"

"That's exactly the point, Sam. Now quit talking."

"But."

"Shush."

"Dean."

"Nuh-uh."

"Listen…"

"Sam, shut up."

And with that, Sam shut his mouth. He kept his eyes on his brother, letting him know just what he thought of this. Dean just shook his head and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked.

"Just 'round the corner. Nature calls." Sam wrinkled his nose. "Stay there."

"Are you kidding me?"

Dean patted Sam on the head and went to where he was suppose to take a leak but where he just pulled his shirt up to reveal a long cut in his abdomen. It was bleeding pretty heavily but it wasn't deep. It was nothing to be worry about… Not yet anyway. There was no reason to give Sam more reason to bitch about Dean staying here with him.

Speaking of Sam, Dean could hear something what was obvious gagging from the stairs. Sighing he put his shirt back down and went back to his little brother who looked like he wouldn't be able to stand up.

"Is there anything left in your stomach?" Dean asked. Sam shook his head no, trying to stop the tears from falling to his cheeks. This was just a stomach bug, it was nothing to cry about. But it was just so… "You know, I had a stomach bug a week before you were born", Dean said suddenly. Sam looked up to him, frowning. "Yeah. It was the last thing that Dad needed, me being sick just when his wife was about to pop. Somehow I sensed he was on the edge so I tried not to bother him, tried to take care of myself."

"You were four!"

"I know that", Dean said. "But Dad noticed. And he took care of me even if he had a bitching wife in the next room."

"Bitching?"

"Hormones, I think. You weren't an easy child to carry. Anyway, my point is that", he said, getting a little closer to Sam. "I don't have a pregnant wife and I don't give a damn if I get sick. I'm not leaving you down here by yourself. So if I hear you suggesting that once more, you can be sure you'll never know what driving the Impala feels like."

Sam was about to say that he probably wouldn't anyway but decided against it. This was not the time and place to mess with Dean. Besides, Sam was more than sure that for once John would agree with him. Dean was gonna get his lecture. And from someone he actually listened to.

Or maybe not. Somehow Sam felt like Dean didn't deserve it. "I think we can get going", he said, trying to sound stronger than he felt.

"You sure?"

"Yeah…" Sam said, trying to get up on his own. Dean wasn't having any of it but caught Sam by the arm to steady him.

"We can wait a bit longer if you want."

"No. Let's just go", Sam said, already out of breath. Dean nodded and slowly they started to make their way up. Dean was using all his willpower to not wince in pain as they slowly but surely approached the exit.

But there was someone who didn't want them to. Someone whose mind was fixed on one thing: Kill them both.

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**AN: **So the next chapter is gonna be longer, I promise, and more exiting. This story has more to it than just brotherly love and getting up stairs. (Though those two are important elements.) Tell me what you think and I'll be back with the next chapter as soon as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Sorry, guys... I had to make a little visit to our dear neighber Sweden. (If any Sweden people is reading this, MAN Stockholm is a great place to to some shopping) Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Reviews are loved!!!

**Warnings: **Just mild language in this one...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

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**Stairs nine, one and every stair between them**

"We'll never make it…" Sam mumbled as he looked up to the exit. It was so far away…

"Hey, be a little more pessimistic, will ya? You'll give false hopes", Dean replied sarcastically. "Of course we will make it, you're with me here, remember?"

"I should be alone…"

"Shut up, Sam."

_It's me that's supposed to be here alone… Damn you, Dad!_ Dean thought. This was suppose to be the easy part of the job, getting rid of the boy's spirit that had fallen down these stairs when he was young. This was the part the brothers could do alone as John was getting rid of the boy's mother who was hunting a house nearby. It was probably the place where they had been living.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Could we… sit down?" Sam was embarrassed by his question. He didn't want to sound like a whiny ten year old. But Dean didn't comment, he just helped Sam to lean against the wall and sat down himself. He wouldn't admit it, but he was happy about the break, though he was aware that the longer they stayed down here, the longer he would bleed. "You okay?" Sam asked suddenly.

"Yeah. Why?" Dean answered.

"You just seem so out of breath", Sam said, shrugging weakly.

"You're not a fairy, little brother. And no," Dean said, holding up a hand when Sam opened his mouth. "Don't you say anything, I'm staying with you."

"Dean…"

"We're done with this subject, Sam!"

"No, Dean…"

"Sammy, quit it!"

"Dean!!! There's something down there!" Sam said, grabbing Dean's arm to get his attention. Dean frowned and looked down but saw nothing. He looked Sam again and raised his eyebrows. "I saw something!" Sam insisted, still looking down.

"Well, I can't see anything. Come on, fever boy, we outta continue", Dean said, trying to get Sam up but he was refusing to co-operate.

"I'm telling you, Dean, there was something there!"

"Like what? A spirit? Or could it just have been a cat or something?" Dean said.

"I don't know. But something. Dean, what if we missed something?" Sam asked. Dean sighed.

"Sam, we did research for like a week before we came here. The boy whose spirit was hunting here had been killed by falling down the stairs. There's no evidence that anyone else had died here, and even if someone had, I'm pretty sure the spirit would have come already."

"Maybe it's his Mom. Dean, I'm telling you, I saw something!" Sam insisted. Dean would have loved to argue but he saw no point. He sighed dramatically.

"Fine, I'll go check", he said. Sam's eyes went wide.

"What? Alone?"

"Nah, I was thinking about asking the Santa Clause to join me. Who do you think I'd be going with, huh?" Dean said.

"Me!" Sam almost yelled.

"Yeah, right. Because a helper that is too sick to stand is gonna help me so much. Just stay there, I'll be right back", Dean said, checking his weapon.

"But…"

"Just-stay-there."

Knowing he had lost, Sam bit his lip and settled to look Dean judgingly. Dean had no idea how to please the boy. First he wanted Dean to get out alone because he thought he was slowing Dean down and then he wanted to come and help to check something that wasn't even probably there. "I'm never gonna have kids…" Dean mumbled under his breath. He was down now, looking around, trying to see something that Sam could have mistaken as a spirit. After a couple of minutes searching, he gave up, lowered his gun and went back to the stairs. "There's nothing here, Sammy. Maybe you saw a shadow of a rat or something."

Sam didn't look so sure. He would love it if they could just get out but he could not let something like this get away just because they didn't look hard enough. He was about to stand but his world swayed a little too hard and he sat back down, breathing hard.

"You okay?" Dean, who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, asked.

"I'm fine…" Sam answered. _Or at least that's what I tell you…_

"Okay then… Prepare yourself, we have to move aga…"

"Dean, look out!"

Dean turned around just in time to see the face of the thing that was attacking him. A middle-aged woman, who would have looked nice and sweet, if her eyes didn't look so icy and if her face wasn't twisted with hate. Before Dean knew it he was flying through the air. His head hit the wall before he came down and his vision went blurry. He heard two gun shots and a scream and then steps. Slow, careful steps and muffled moans that followed each one. "I told you to stay there…"

"I don' care", came Sam's reply. Dean got up to his knees and took few deep breaths to stop his head from spinning. Now they had to get out of here fast and a concussion wasn't an option. "Dean?" Sam had come next to Dean. He was paler than before, all of his strength wasted in getting down to his brother.

"I'm okay, Sammy. But we do need to get out of here", Dean said.

"The spirit…"

"We can't get rid of it now, we have to get Dad. You can't fight and I can't leave you unprotected. We have to hurry." Dean got up and put on his strong nothing-hurts-me face as his head felt like it was splitting into two. His shirt was getting wet with his blood from his wound but Dean just put his coat tighter around him. "Let's go."

"You look pale…" Sam commented quietly.

"Yeah, well… I did just get smashed into a wall. And you don't look much more like a woman than that spirit so I suggest that you shut up", Dean replied. He steadied Sam's unsure walking and was a little alarmed by the amount of heat that was radiating from him. Had Sam's fever been that bad from the begin with?

Suddenly Sam's knees buckled and Dean had to put all his will power to not scream. He steadied Sam even more, putting his both arms around him as they started to get up again. If the first nine stairs had felt like Hell before, they had to make up a completely new word for this torture. Every step felt harder and both boys were out of breath by the step eight.

"Can we…?" Sam's voice was begging. He didn't care anymore if he sounded like a whiny ten year old. He didn't have the strength to care about anything. Dean stopped but didn't lower Sam to sit down. He kept him standing, ready to run if anything came after them. Sam gagged, but there was nothing to come up anymore. He held onto Dean for dear life, begging silently for John to come and find them.

"Sam…?"

"I can't Dean. I can't, I'm sorry, I just can't…" Sam said, looking up. 32 stairs to go…

"Sammy…"

"I can't…"

"Yes, you can. I'm right here, Sammy. You're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. We just have to get out of here…"

"Easier said than done, isn't it…?" Sam mumbled.

"Maybe a little. But it's us. What can't we do?"

"Brownies…"

Dean smiled a little. "It was _you _who put salt in them instead of sugar."

"I was four, how could've I known the difference?" Sam asked. "But you burned them anyway, so…"

"I didn't _burn _them, I wanted them to look like that!" Dean defended himself.

"But did you want to taste like crap?"

"That taste had nothing to do with me, oh the Great Sugar boy", Dean said.

"Nice one…" Sam commented. Suddenly he noticed they were moving. He looked down and realised they had come up a least seven stairs more. He looked back up to his brother, whose eyes were fixed to the exit, and smiled. Maybe they _were_ gonna be okay.

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TBC

**AN: **Tell me what you think and I shall... send you happy thoughts! No really, I mean it, all reviews are welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **Um... Sorry? Yeah yeah yeah, took a while. And school starts tomorrow.. Blaah... Okay, hope you like it!

**Warnings: **Language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

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**Up Up Up We Go**

"…and Dad only ate them cuz he wanted to be polite."

"Or he was just too busy to care what they tasted like", Sam pointed out.

By now the talking had become lifeline for both of the boys, though Sam had no idea how much the talking helped Dean. The pain was becoming too big to ignore, his breathing becoming harder and harder by every step but they were still going up. Not fast but going anyway.

"Yeah, well… That wouldn't be surprising", Dean admitted, taking another painful step. His lungs were screaming for air that they didn't get but he didn't let himself show it. Not yet. Not to Sam.

But Sam wasn't stupid. He might have been sick but Dean wasn't alright at all, either. What was wrong with him exactly, Sam didn't know, but it was not only the fact he had to half carry his little brother up the stairs. There was something else. Something that could become serious if Dean didn't stop trying to hide it…

What was Sam thinking? Of course Dean wouldn't stop trying to hide it! He was Dean! The cows would fly and the Hell would freeze before Dean Winchester would admit something was wrong with him. He was a stubborn idiot. A fucking stubborn idiot… A fucking, stubborn, stupid idiot who was Sam's big brother and who was giving all his strength to get the younger one out. So he was a fucking, stubborn, stupid idiot who Sam loved to death.

"Dean…" It was quiet and Sam wasn't surprised that Dean hadn't heard it. "Dean!"

"What? You need to stop again?" Dean asked.

"No, it's just… Are you okay?"

_Oh crap…_ Dean thought. Not yet… Maybe when they were out of there but not yet… Don't let Sam know yet… "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Just… Dean, I know something's wrong!" Sam said, completely frustrated.

"Have you looked into the mirror? You're not exactly the reflection of perfect health yourself", Dean replied, forcing himself to stop a gasp of pain.

"You're not okay, Dean." It wasn't a question, it was statement. After that the brothers fell silent, Sam angry and Dean worried. The fact that Sam had noticed something was wrong made Dean think about his injury even more. It hurt, oh God, it hurt… But he still told himself to suck it up.

The hunter kicked in as Dean heard definite scratching from somewhere below them. It sounded like a cat sharpening its nails using a rock wall. The boys stopped and turned around but saw nothing. Someone was messing with them.

"Why are there two staircases?" Sam suddenly asked, causing Dean to throw concerned look at him. This wasn't good…

"It's the fever. We have to get out of here", Dean said. He took a little firmer hold of Sam. But when he pressed Sam a little closer to himself Sam's elbow crashed against his stomach… Just a little too hard…

Dean gasped. His hold of Sam's loosened as he doubled over a bit, trying to catch his breath. Sam's eyes went wide. He watched as all color left Dean's face and a million questions came to his mind. "What is it?" was the first one that came out of his mouth. Dean didn't reply though, too focused on getting oxygen to his lungs. "Dean? Talk to me! What's going on?" Why did there have to be three Deans? If Sam could only make his world stop going around… "Dean, is that blood?"

_Damn, shit, fuck… _"It's okay, Sam."

"No, it's not, Dean!! Why are you bleeding? When did this happen? Dean!"

"It's really fine, Sammy. Let's just go on, okay?"

"Dean, you need to go to a hospital!" Sam insisted.

"You see one around? It's gonna be okay, Sam. We're halfway out of…"

The scratching voice came again and this time it was followed by low humming…

"That's Mockingbird…" Sam said.

"Huh?"

"That song… it's Mockingbird…" Sam tried to see who was humming… He could tell she had a nice singing voice. It sounded so motherly… So caring…

_Hush little baby, don't say a word_

_Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird…_

"Come one, Sam. Let's go on…"

"Yeah…" Sam shook his head. That didn't feel good…"Are you sure you're able to…?"

"If you finish that question I'll smack you. I'll be fine", Dean said.

"But Dean, you're bleeding!" Sam said.

"So what else is new? It's not like this is the first time. Would you relax? It's gonna be okay." _Thank God you haven't seen the wound…_

_And if that mockingbird won't sing_

_Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring…_

"You can't just ignore this, Dean! Why didn't you tell me before?" Sam asked, now getting seriously angry.

"Why didn't I tell you? Are you seriously asking me that? You can't even stand on your own, Sam. As long as I can walk I'm taking you out of here. And you're so much nicer company when you don't ask questions all the time. And most of all, didn't wanna worry you", Dean answered.

"Worry me? Worry me?! Dean, you're… You're…"

"Awesome? Handsome? Best brother there ever was? Amazing with ladies?"

"No…"

"The best hunter the world had ever known?"

"No, you're…"

"Fabulous? Amazing?"

"No!"

"The best of all…"

"You're an asshole, that's what you are!! A stubborn asshole! You could be bleeding to death on the side of the road and you still wouldn't ask for help! I don't know why the hell do you think you have to handle everything alone but you _don't_."

"Well, right now I'm the only one who can handle anything so… You think we can save this talk 'til we get outside?"

_If that diamond ring turns brass,  
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass…_

"Your kid will be thrilled!" Dean yelled.

_If that looking glass gets broke_

_Mama's gonna buy you a billygoat…_

"She's getting annoying, come on, Sam", Dean said and started to pull Sam up the staircase. But Sam was glued to the spot, listening to the woman singing. "Sammy? Sam, come on, let's go!" Dean said, pulling Sam's arm.

"Listen to her, Dean…"

"What?"

"Just listen…"

_If that billygoat won't pull_

_Mama's gonna buy you cart and bull_

"What is there to listen to, she's singing a freaking lullaby! Now come on!"

"No… no, her voice is so beautiful… She loves his son…"

"Sure she does, that's what mothers do. But you're not his son. Come on now, fever boy." Sam started to walk, hesitantly. He kept glancing over his shoulder just in case he would see her.

_If that cart and bull don't turn over_

_Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover_

"Don't listen to her, Sam."

_If that dog named Rover don't bark_

_Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart_

"It's not long anymore…"

Sam pulled himself free from Dean's grip. He wanted to get to her, he _had _to get to her.

"Sam!" Dean yelled, taking a hold of his arm again.

"She wants her son back…"

"Too bad for her", Dean said, alarmed by Sam's voice. It wasn't just because of the fever. That spirit did something… Oh no, no way was she getting Sam. "Sam, listen to me, you're not her son! You're Winchester. She was not singing to you! She's messing with your head, you have to fight it!"

_If that horse and cart fall down_

_Then you'll be the sweetest little baby in town_

"Let go of me, Dean!"

Sam pulled his arm free again, way harder than last time. Much more harder than necessary.

It made Dean loose his footing.

Dean's cry of clear agony pulled Sam into reality. With the woman's humming still in his ears, he looked down. His insides turned cold. He felt like he was in a nightmare, just waiting to wake up. This wasn't happening…

Because Dean had just rolled down the stairs right back to the bottom. And he wasn't moving.

tbc

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**AN: **Tell me what you think and you'll make my first day at school more bearble:D


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Oh my God, I'm so so so sorry!!! You guys are the best, my first day at school was so much better when I thought of all the great reviews I got. But the rest of them weren't as much fun and I'm so busy already... So I'm sorry, that's all I can offer for explanation. But this is longer than the first chapters, I hope that you forgive me. hides behind a rock

**Warnings:** Not hard language in this one

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

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**The Old Beginning**

_I should be crying but I just can't let it show__…_

--

The whole world came crushing down in front of Sam's eyes. The air went suddenly cold and it couldn't reach his lungs as he tried not to pass out. He felt cold and hot at the same time as he watched Dean lying at the beginning of the stairs. Maybe if he looked at him long enough he would wake up. "Wake up, Dean! Please, you have to wake up! We have to get out of here!"

It was useless. For what Sam could see, Dean didn't even stir. He yelled, he begged 'til his voice was raw but Dean stayed motionless.

Horrible, cold guilt twisted Sam's stomach. Dean had fell because of him. After Dean had dragged him all they up here, he had made him fall right back down. How could he be so weak? How could he give into that woman? That woman who didn't care less about Sam!

Sam took a deep breath and made up his mind. There was just no way he would leave Dean down there on his own, not after all what he had done for him. "I'm coming, Dean. Don't worry. It's all gonna be okay…" Using the adrenaline that had came to his system by seeing Dean so helpless, Sam took few cautious steps down. He stopped for a second, waiting for his world to stop turning and took a couple of steps more. This took a way longer than he wanted but finally he was down.

"Dean? Dean, wake up! You have to wake up, Dean!" Sam said, kneeling down next to him. Dean was unconscious but looked somewhat unharmed, though Sam had no idea how bad Dean's internal injuries could be. "We gotta get out of here", Sam said. Not wanting, praying he wouldn't have to, he put two fingers to Dean's neck. After few seconds of holding his breath, he wound a pulse. A steady, strong pulse. "Dean, that woman could get back any second, please! Just wake up! I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry… I don't know what got into me, please forgive me, I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't! It was an accident. You have to believe me, I didn't want this to happen, I didn't wanna hurt you. Wake up, Dean! Please, wake up!"

Why didn't Dean just go when Sam said he should? Why didn't he just leave him there to wait for John? And now Dean was hurt, possibly really bad and Sam couldn't do anything but sit there beside him and beg him to wake up. Sam felt himself so young, helpless and pathetic. He just felt so alone…

"You gotta get out of here, Sammy…"

"Dean?"

Slowly, Dean opened his eyes and turned his gaze to Sam. His eyes were pretty unfocused, and he frowned like he wasn't completely aware of what was happening. "You gotta get out", he repeated.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, ignoring what Dean had said.

"Sammy…"

"You just fell down the stairs, are you okay?" Sam insisted.

"What do you think?" Dean asked back and Sam's insides turned upside down. _All my fault, all my fault, I'm so sorry, Dean…!_

"I'm sorry, Dean… This is all my fault, I'm so sorry", Sam said.

"No it's not. But you have to get out. Get help", Dean said.

"I can't… I just can't. Not without you…"

"Yeah, you can. You're a Winchester. Just go up and find Dad, okay?"

"Dean, can't you just get up? I can help you, we can get out of here alone", Sam said.

Dean bit his lip. "You're sick, Sam. Just take it easy when you get up, I don't want you passing out. Just few stairs at a time, take your time…"

"You might not have time!" Sam yelled, ready to burst into tears. "I could take forever and that woman could come back! And who knows how hurt you are! You could be… I might not be fast enough…" Sam finished quietly. He put one of his hands to his face, partly trying to hide the tears when he suddenly felt Dean taking the other one to his own hand.

"I can't get up, Sam. I broke a few ribs and it hurts like son of a bitch. I can hardly see you, you look so blurry and I've lost a lot of blood. But you can get out. I know you can. I don't care how long it takes, all I care is that you get out. As fast as you can. You'll find Dad and then he'll come and get me and then we're gonna get you into a nice, warm bed. But you have to get out first. Okay?"

Sam held back a sob. "Dean, I…"

"For a little boy's spirit, he was one hell of a fighter. Hurt me pretty bad."

"The… the blood on your shirt…?"

"Yeah. But it takes more than that to finish me. I'll be waiting here, I ain't going anywhere anytime soon. You are not gonna get rid of me that easily. I couldn't possibly leave my Baby to your hands", Dean said, referring to his car. "It's gonna be okay, Sammy. I promise."

Sam shook his head. "You're making promises you might not be able to keep again…" he said quietly.

"I attend to keep my promises", Dean said.

"It's not always up to you", Sam pointed out.

"Sam, just get going! It's pointless for us both to be trapped in here. Just go, I'm fine!"

"No, you're not!" Sam almost screamed. "You're not and that's all my fault! That woman just started singing in my head, I don't know what went into me, I just wanted to go to her. And she doesn't care! But you do, you do care, and now you're hurt and it's my fault! You're not okay! You're not okay so just stop pretending that you are because you're not. You said it yourself! But I can't get up on my own, I just can't! My stomach hurts, my heads hurts, my world is so… it just keeps turning! I wanna throw up and I have nothing to throw up. And I don't want to leave you! I can't leave you alone! I can't… Please don't make me go alone… Please don't make me leave you, I'm begging you… Dean, please…"

Dean's heart was breaking. He knew Sam was sick… He knew it could be too late when John would finally come for him. But he didn't have a choice. He was a hunter, he was soldier, but most of all, he was a big brother.

"Sam, look at me", Dean said. Sam didn't, looking at everything else. "Look at me, Sammy!" Slowly Sam met Dean's gaze. "This is not your fault. Okay? You came down here when you could have stayed home! You're so tough, you can hardly stand and you still came back down here. I'm so proud of you. This ain't your fault, okay?" Sam sniffed. "Okay?"

"Okay…"

"Didn't catch that."

"Okay", Sam said more firmly.

"Good. Now get going", Dean said.

"What?"

"Go. You know just as well as I do it's the only chance we've got", Dean said.

Sam wanted to argue like never before. Dean was wrong, they did have other options. They could wait. John would come eventually. They would just have to wait.

"Sam, go."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Too bad, go."

"Dean…"

"Roles have changed now. I will talk to you, you will see me all the time. It's gonna be okay."

"But…"

"Have I ever told you how I use to help Mom to bath you?"

"Wh…?"

"You were just this pink… pink… baby. You cried when I wanted to sleep and you took all of Mom's lab even if you were so small. But you loved taking a bath. You laughed for the first time when you were taking a bath. Mom was singing a song and I was soaping your tummy when you suddenly giggled. Mom thought it was so adorable. I couldn't understand why it was such a big deal. I laughed all the time and no one thought it was nothing special. And I was so jealous… So I decided I would stop laughing."

Sam looked up at the stairs, listening to Dean's steady voice. Sam could hear Dean's breathing a bit more loudly than he thought was okay, but his voice was just so… calming. And the stairs didn't look that long anymore.

"But I couldn't. Everytime you did something funny, like roll over or… well, just laughed, I would laugh. It didn't have to be anything special…" Dean's voice trailed off.

"Keep talking, Dean", Sam said. "Just keep talking."

"I remember when you got home with your first A. You were so happy."

"I remember that, too", Sam said, taking the first step to back up again. "I was so anxious to get back home to show it to you."

"And you were like… young. What does that A matter anymore?" Dean asked.

"Nothing. But I remember you being proud of me. You took me out for an ice cream."

"Yeah… Spent all my pocket money for that…"

"You did?"

"Yeah. ButI got an ice cream, too, so… Doesn't really matter."

Sam had taken five steps towards the exit before he had to sit down to catch his breath. The sweat came down on his face like rivers, mixing with the tears. Both pain and just pure love. "This is gonna take a while", he said.

"Not a problem", Dean replied, sounding like it really wasn't. But it was. It was huge problem.

Dean heard humming. So low that it wouldn't reach Sam's ears, but he heard it. It was not Mockingbird anymore and the singer did not sound like a loving mother. Dean couldn't make out the words but the tune didn't sound very cheerful.

_You touch one hair on his head and I swear to God, it's the last thing you do! _

"_Walking down the end of your road…"_

"Remember when Dad gave you the Impala?" Sam asked suddenly, alarmed by Dean's sudden silence. Dean smiled a little. That had been the best surprise ever, despite of the fact that he had spent the best part of his childhood in that car.

"You haven't traveled with Dad ever since then", Dean said.

"You're more fun to drive with."

"And you still say that you hate my music. Just admit it, you like it!"

"There's other music in world than just mullet rock."

"_The end is not light…"_

"Yeah, sure. Some cute, pink teenagers, dancing around the stage with no clothes on", Dean said and pretended to make a gagging voice.

"You like that kind of girls", Sam pointed out.

"Yeah, just the girls."

"_At the end there is a boat…" _

32 to go. And with this speed, Dean was so gonna be dead when Sam got back with John. _No!! _So not gonna happen. It was time to pay Dean back. For everything. And if it meant the most painful trip in the history of the world, then so be it. He would give Dean something to actually be proud of. Maybe he finally could be worth of having Dean…

_Keep going, Sammy. You're doing so good. _Dean wanted nothing more than to hug Sam. Just tell him he didn't have to do this, just tell him to stay still so he could get help. Sam didn't deserve this. Sam wasn't suppose to be in pain…

"_I know you want to but you shouldn't fight."_

--

_I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking…_

…tbc…

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**AN: **Hope you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **The only excuse I have is school. And the fact that I'm writing another fanfic about my favourite band at the same time, though that one is only one chapter away from being finished. Anyway, I'm sorry it took so damn long again. And I'm soooo thankful for all the great reviews I've got. I love you all and I hope you'll stick with me.

**Warnings: **Language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**One out, One to go**

…_all the things I should have said that I never said_

_all the things we should have done but we never did_

--

Sam wanted to scream. Out of frustration. Out of fear. Out of pain. And for help. Because he was more than sure he wouldn't be able to do this… He was so tired. He was so fucking tired that he was getting up the stairs on his all fours. He still had 25 to go. He was almost half way through. But the situation felt hopeless.

Sam hadn't heard anything from Dean for few minutes. He had tried to call out his name but hadn't got any reply. He wondered was he out of earshot but the thought of the other possibilities caused him to feel the panic rising. It was not a pleasant feeling. At all.

"Dean?"

_This is hopeless, he won't answer…_

"Dean, please!"

"I'm still here, Sammy."

The voice was weaker than it had been, but still so familiar. Sam felt the relief wash over him like he was being put in a hot bath and his breathing became slightly easier.

"You doing okay there?" Sam heard Dean asking.

"Just fine. Half way there."

"Good. That's good…"

"Can you keep talking? You know, just for to pass time?" Sam asked, trying to sound casual.

"What would I talk about?" Dean asked.

"Anything. Just… anything."

Dean sighed. He knew it scared the shit out of Sam, not hearing anything from Dean, but talking was becoming so painful. Everything was becoming so painful, even thinking seemed to squeeze his brain into a tiny ball. But… there really wasn't anything he wouldn't do for his Sammy. "Uh… I probably shouldn't tell you this…"

"Tell me what?"

"Where I first had sex." Dean could hear Sam groaning.

"Please tell me it was not in the Impala."

"Sorry. Can't."

"Dean!! How in the world can I ever get in that car again? That is just… No! That's disgusting." Sam's stomach twisted, which made him gasp for air. There was nothing to come up but it still felt nasty.

"Sammy?"

"I'm okay. So when was this?"

"Uh… I don't know. Almost three years ago, I guess. You don't have to tell Dad about this, by the way. He would probably take the car from me and then lecture me about talking about my sexual life to you", Dean said.

"I'm not a baby anymore", Sam pointed out.

"Yeah, but I think Dad still prefers you not to hear about this stuff before you're 18", Dean said.

"How could I possibly be that old when I first hear about 'this stuff' when I'm living with you?" Sam asked sarcastically.

"If you think I'm gonna give you 'the talk' you can only dream. That's Dad's responsibility."

"You've taken care of most of his responsibilities when it comes to me", Sam said bitterly. He wanted John to come to them, right now. Not in an hour, not in ten minutes, now! He was suppose to make sure they were okay, that Dean was okay. It shouldn't matter that Dean was an adult now. Dean shouldn't be the one to take care of everything, he was still a teen! Hell, he had probably been practically a grown up for most of his childhood, forced to grow up too fast.

Dean sighed again. Yes, he wanted out of there but he was not letting Sam blame John. Because that would lead to a fight. And Dean couldn't handle that right now. "No, I haven't", he said, sounding much more tired.

Sam realised this, feeling a stab of guilt. "You practically raised me", he pointed out.

"Whatever, Sam…" Dean was not in a mood for talking anymore. He fell back to silence, letting his eyes shut. It would all be over soon. One way or the other.

"Don't fight, my dear boy. I'll take care of you."

Dean felt ice cold hands taking a hold of his arms. He was being dragged away from the stairs. He knew he should yell but he was just too tired. Sam would notice in a while. He didn't have to yell. He just wanted to sleep… Let the pain end.

"Dean?"

Sam turned around. Dean wasn't there. Why wasn't he there? He couldn't move… Not on his own! Horrible, painful panic grabbed Sam's heart as he tried to control his breathing. He had come this far. And he wouldn't be able to fight anything alone. Hell, he couldn't even get up the stairs with just on his legs. He had to find John. He had to find him now.

"Dad!! Dad, please, HELP!" It was desperate, and stupid too. John most likely couldn't hear him and screaming made his lungs burn even more than they had before. But he knew it was his best shot. "DAD!"

"Sammy?"

_Say whatever you want, Dean, God does exist! _"Dad? Oh, thank God…" Sam let himself fall against the stairs, not being able to take another step. He heard quick footsteps coming to him and then someone turning him over.

"Dear Lord, Sam, you're burning up!" came John's voice from somewhere strangely far.

"Dad, it took Dean! Some spirit or whatever, it took Dean!" Sam said, unable to hold the panic from his voice.

"You didn't finish the boy?" John asked.

"We did! We did, but there was something else, too. And Dean was hurt! He wouldn't tell me but then he fell down the stairs and I saw. He's hurt bad, Dad!"

"He fell down the stairs?" Now John's voice felt fear, too. This was not good.

"Yeah, he did. I…" Sam couldn't bring himself to say it. That he had caused the falling. He felt so guilty about it, even though Dean didn't think it was his fault. But it was. And now Dean was taken.

"Come on, Sam. I'll take you to the car", John said gently.

"NO! I want to help!" Sam yelled.

"Sam, you're running a high fever! You won't be able to help. Now let me take you to the car and you can wait there", John said, keeping his voice as calm as he could.

"It will take too much time", Sam insisted. "Just leave me here and go find him! I'll be okay. Please, Dad… I don't know how long he has…"

John but his lip. This was not a decision he wanted to make. He didn't want to leave Dean down there but he couldn't leave Sam there alone in the shape he was in. So he stood his ground. "The car's just outside. Dean will be fine, you know him. He's a fighter. Now come on, don't want to waste any more time arguing."

Sam wouldn't have been able to fight even if he tried, but John was happy that he didn't even try. His youngest was constantly looking over his shoulder as John lead him out of the stair way and to the car. Sam didn't protest as John laid him down on the back seat of the Impala. The smell was so comforting and the seat felt like the most comfortable bed he had ever lied on. "Rest, try to sleep. We'll be back soon."

_He said we. He's going to bring Dean back. Dean's gonna be okay. Dean's gonna be just fine. He's Dean. He's my big brother… _And with that thought in his head, Sam fell asleep.

--

Dean woke up to the coldness he was feeling. He was not being dragged anymore but there was still someone holding him. His head was slightly higher than his other body, like it was on a pillow. But Dean soon realised what his head was on was not a pillow. They were thighs.

Trying to sit up but finding it too painful, Dean groaned. He had to get out of there. Away from whoever he was with. "Stop fighting now, brave boy. You can stop fighting. It's all gonna be over soon, I promise. You don't have to be strong anymore. You can just let it go. Don't you want to just let go, Dean? To live in a better place? Such a place where you can be loved by your mother…"

_How does she know about my Mom…?_

"… Where you can spend the rest of your life with her. No more responsibilities. No more coldness. You'd be happy. Just stop fighting."

"Sammy…"

"You don't need your brother. He left you alone. He made you fall and then left you alone. He weak. You don't need him."

"No…"

"Just stop fighting, brave boy. Stop fighting."

"Sam, help… Please, Sammy, help me…"

--

Sam's eyes snapped open and he sat up so fast his vision went blurry. "Dean?" He couldn't have heard Dean, right? Dean was down there with the spirit. And John was gonna get him. In no time, they would appear to the car and they would go to a hospital and Dean would be okay. No. It was not Dean he had heard.

"_Sammy…" _

Sam swallowed. The voice was so weak. It was so full of pain it made the pain Sam was in feel like nothing. What if it was Dean? What he was not going to be okay? Dean didn't know John was coming, what if he just let go?

"It's gonna be okay, Dean. It really is. Just a little longer. You're gonna be okay, I promise. Don't be afraid anymore. It's gonna be over soon."

--

_All the things that you needed from me_

_All the things that you wanted for me_

...tbc...

--

Reviews are LOVE!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Hit me, I deserve it. First I make you wait then I give you a short chapter. I'm sooorrryyyy!!! I really am, I just haven't had the inspiration. But here it is, chapter six. (One more to go, by the way.)

**Warnings:** Language (And this is also unbetad... They all are, actually.)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Supernatural.

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**Down from Down**

_I'm still awake for you  
We won't make it together  
We can't hide the truth  
_--

So, so, so cold. It was so cold, so damn cold. And so fucking uncomfortable.

Where he was, he didn't know. He didn't even care. He didn't even want to get out of there, he just wanted to get warm.

"_Don't be afraid anymore."_

_Afraid? Who the hell said I was afraid, Sam? I'm not afraid, I'm…_

"Sam…?"

Dean almost didn't notice as he started to panic. His breathing became uneven and his heartbeat became faster. And he was still so cold…

Where was Sam? Was Sam okay? No… Sam was sick, he couldn't be okay. And he was alone… He was alone somewhere and probably scared out of his mind. Why wasn't Dean with him…?

Dean frowned. He couldn't remember much. Just the coldness. And someone speaking. No… two people speaking. The other one was strange, the other one he knew. But they were both so… warm.

"Brave boy, why are you still fighting? You don't have to fight. Think about it, maybe, just maybe, you're fighting for nothing. Maybe if you stopped, someone else could be saved. Have you thought of that?"

What the hell was that woman talking about? Who would Dean save if he would give up?

"What is the most important thing, Brave boy? Who do you love the most?"

_Sammy…_

"Give up for him, Brave boy. That's what he wants, too."

"_It's gonna be over soon."_

"Sam?" Dean was so confused. His head hurt like hell and he couldn't think straight. What was gonna be over? The pain? Yes, it would. That was something Dean could end himself if he would just…

"Give it up. Just give it up."

_--_

_I'm giving up for you now  
My final wish will guide you out  
Before the ocean breaks apart  
Underneath me  
_--

"DEAN!!" Sam snapped awake, sweating hard but still feeling cold. He breathed hard, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He was in the Impala, he could tell that from just the smell. But he was alone… Why was he alone? Dean never left him alone in the car, what was going on…?

It all came back to Sam with one big wave. Dean, the stairs, the woman, the fall, the guilt, Dad, Dean being afraid…

How long had he been asleep? How long ago had Dean called for him? Had John found him yet? What if John was hurt, too…?

With way more effort than normally, Sam sat up. He looked out of the window and realized it had became dark. The stars were shining and the sky was black. But the sun hadn't even been setting when he had came to the car! Or had it? How could Sam now, he had hardly been conscious.

"Come back already…"

Sam resisted the urge to get out of the car. The air in it had suddenly become too thick to breath but he knew he shouldn't open the door. The first lesson of demon hunting: don't go out alone in the dark.

But this was an emergency. So it didn't count, right? Sam's hand was on the handle. How could he even think about not opening the door, Dean was down there, hurt!

But John was there. He was there, he was gonna bring Dean back.

But what if he couldn't?

What if they needed help after all?

Sam opened the door. The night air was cool and made Sam's skin go into goose bumps. His head was woozy as he took a cautious step outside the car. And that one step told Sam just how useless he would be as he fell down to the ground with absolutely no strength to get further. He would have to trust John. He would have to trust Dean. Dean wouldn't let go. He wasn't gonna leave Sam alone.

--

_You break the ice when you speak  
With every breath you take  
You safe me  
_--

"_I made you laugh, Sammy… So many times. I made you laugh when you were tired… And I'm so happy I could do that… I was the only one who could… I did something right in my life… And I'm so proud of you. I'm so, so proud of you…"_

"He knows you are, Brave boy. And he knows you shouldn't be. You're being too good to him."

"_She's lying, don't listen to her. I could never be too good to you. You're my brother. My baby brother. I'm suppose to be proud of you. And I am. You know that, right? Remember it, always remember it. I'll always be there when you need me. I'll always listen, even if you can't see me. It's okay. You're gonna be okay."_

"It's time to say goodbye, Brave boy."

"_If there's one thing in my life I don't have to regret it's you. I'm so happy I can call you my brother and I know you're gonna be something big. Don't be sad, okay? We'll meet again. Just don't join me anytime soon, okay? You've got so much to live for. Don't live this life forever. Promise me you'll do whatever it is that you want to do. Okay? And tell your kids about their awesome uncle Dean, alright? I'm sorry I won't be able to see them…"_

"Dean?"

"…_Goodbye, Sammy…"_

"Oh my God, Dean!!"

"_I love you."_

"Dean? Dean, wake up, son! You're okay. You're gonna be okay. Let's get you out of here."

"Such a brave boy you are, Dean Winchester. Such a brave boy."

_--_

_I know that one day  
We'll meet again  
Try to go on as long as you can  
Even when the ocean breaks apart  
Underneath you  
_--

Sam had managed to get himself leaning against the car. He was trembling now, but more of the fear than cold. He actually couldn't even feel it anymore, the coldness that is. He had gotten use to it.

"_I'm so, so proud of you…" _

"_Don't be… Please don't be, you have nothing to be proud of… I'm so sorry, Dean. This isn't suppose to be happening... This wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for me. Don't be proud of me, I don't deserve it..." _

"_I'm suppose to be proud of you…" "Remember it, always remember it."_

"_I don't have to, you can tell it to me every day if you want to! Fight, Dean! Please! For me! For anything, just fight! Don't leave me here alone! I can't handle it without you, all this. This life. I need you with me! I know it's selfish, I know it's wrong but you can't leave me! Don't leave me, please! I need you! You don't even know how much, I need you to know. I have to tell it to you!"_

"_I'll always listen, even if you can't see me."_

"_But I want to see you… I need to hear your voice. I need to know you're near!"_

"_We'll meet again."_

"_When? When are we gonna meet, Dean?"_

"_Just don't join me anytime soon."_

"_I can't live without you, Dean! Don't go away! You don't have to go away. Hold on. Please, hold on! Dad's there, he's gonna help you out! Don't you dare do this to me! I'll hate you if you leave! Don't leave... Don't die, Dean!"_

"…_Goodbye, Sammy."_

"_No…"_

"_I love you."_

"No… DEAN, NO!!!"

--

_To me you'll be forever sacred  
I'm dying but I know  
Our love will live  
Your hand above  
Like a dove  
Over me  
And one day  
The sea will guide you  
Back to me  
Remember  
To me you'll be forever sacred_

_To me you'll be forever sacred...  
_

…_.tbc…_

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**AN: **This is THE most weirdes chapter I have ever written to any of my stories... But I hope you like it. Tell me what you think of it, please...?

**Lyrics**: Tokio Hotel, Sacred (Heilig)


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **Here it comes, the last chapter. And I'm already working on a new plot. :) Aaanyway, I hope the people who think this was dragging know that even I know that. The other one who said was anon so I couldn't send a message about that... But I'm saying it now. I did get most of you hooked though, and I'm proud about that. :) And soooo thankful, too.

My sister's still refusing to use stairs. evil laugh

**Warnings: **None, I made an innocent chapter. :)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**Up and Going**

_I'm staring at a broken door_

_There's nothing left here anymore_

_The room is cold it's making me insane_

"Let go of him! He's not yours to take!"

"The hell he's not! He's my son, you bitch!"

"He's your adult son. And what good would it do anyway? He's gone."

"No. No he's not."

John could feel it, Dean's heartbeat. So weak and so slow but it was there. Dean wasn't gone yet.

"Let him go. Just leave him behind. He's gonna die, nothing can't stop it and your younger one is getting worse and worse. Is that really a decision you want to make, John, huh?"

Ignoring the fact that the spirit knew his name, John just glared at her and started to make his way out. Dean wasn't a light to carry but just seeing his lifeless body gave John more than enough motivation to just get him out of there.

"You're a fool… Such a fool…" The woman said, shaking her head.

--

Sam had always known Dean would be the first one to die of the two of them. He had known it ever since John said Dean could join him on his hunting trips. He never wanted to think about it, never talked about his fears to anybody, never let his knowledge affect his actions, but he knew. It was just obvious…

Sam sobbed. It was so not suppose to happen like this. He had hope, no, prayed, that one day John would realize just how big risk John put them in by hunting. But right now he blamed no one but himself. Who else could he blame? This was his fault. Just and only his fault.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

Sorry was becoming Sam's theme song but he couldn't help it. He had to let Dean know…

A gun shot. A scream. Curse words… Sam lifted his head from his knees to look at the exit. His heart started to beat faster and faster as the curse words became louder and finally he saw John coming out with Dean.

With Dean…

"Open the door, Sam!" John yelled. Momentarily forgetting that he wasn't well himself, Sam got up and opened the door. John lied Dean down on the backseat. "Keep him warm", he told Sam as he went to the driver's seat. Sam climbed to the back seat, putting Dean's head to his lab. He was so pale, and so cold… How on earth could he be…

"He's not dead?" Sam managed to get out. John looked at him from the mirror. Sam was barely holding it together, unable to hold his tears even in front of his Dad. John swallowed.

"No, Sam. He's not dead…"

…_yet… _It didn't have to be said for Sam to understand it was there. More tears fell on his cheeks as he hugged Dean colder to himself. It couldn't end like this…

_I've been waiting here so long_

_Another moment seems to have come_

_I see the dark clouds coming up again_

Why was there a doctor checking him out? He was fine, it was just a little fever. Although every time he tried to sit up his world went up side down, but that was just a little thing.

"I want to see my brother!" Sam said for what seemed like the millionth time. Doctor Williams, who knew this must be really hard for the young man, just smiled.

"I know you do but he's still in the surgery. While he's there I suggest that you let me make you better so you can go see him when he comes back, alright?"

Sam bit his lip. He had asked and asked John if Dean was gonna be okay but John had just kept trying, keeping silent. Sam knew John wasn't very optimistic. Guess it made it easier if Dean wasn't gonna be okay… But Sam needed to hear it from someone. Someone's opinion, any opinion, just as long it helped Sam to know what he was suppose to think.

"You think he's coming back?

The doctor looked taken aback but he seemed to recover quite quickly. "If he's half as stubborn as you are then yeah", he said.

"No… I mean, you're a doctor… Do you think he can make it? Be honest, please", Sam said. Williams looked at him, clearly trying to decide was he well enough to hear the truth. Finally he sighed.

"He was in a very bad condition when he was brought in. He would be one hell of a fighter if he made it through this."

Sam gulped. That was not what he had wanted to hear. What did the doctor know anyway?

_He's a doctor… He knows this stuff…_

Doctor Williams didn't hear a word from Sam after that.

_A half moon fading from my sight_

_I see your vision in it's light_

_But now it's gone and left me so alone_

Dean felt weird. Like he was not where he was suppose to be but he was not lost either. Like this place where he was in was far better than the one he was suppose to be in. But he had no right to be there. He had to be somewhere else. He was suppose to be with someone… Someone needed him.

_Sammy…_

Wherever Sam was, he was confused and heart broken. And afraid. Oh God, he was so afraid.

--

_"You promise you will never leave me?" _

_"Yes, Sammy. I promise." _

_"And you __**promise **__nothing will ever take us?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And no matter what, you'll always be there?"_

_"Of course, Sammy. You don't ever have to doubt that."_

_"Good... You either."_

--

_I'm so sorry, Sammy…_

"Damn it, we are losing him! Fight for me, boy!"

_I know I have to find you now_

_Can hear your name and don't know how_

_Why can't we make this darkness feel like home?_

--

"_He made it through the surgery but he's not out of the danger yet. It's in God's hands now." _

So there actually was religious doctors, too… Sam wondered did doctors only believe because they had to think there was better place for the patients they lost. Or maybe they just said things like that to make the families feel better. There was someone who could save their loved ones when it was beyond the doctors' powers.

Sam was sitting alone in Dean's room. John had gone back to finish off the spirit once he had heard Dean was still alive. Sam didn't know should he be mad at him. If Dean died, he wouldn't be there. To comfort Sam or to say good bye… Maybe the good bye was exactly what John was running away from.

"Dean, you… You know you can't leave me, right? I mean… That would be so unfair. You would never have to hunt again…" Sam swallowed tears that threatened to fall. "I'm sorry, Dean. I know it's my fault you're lying there and I'm sorry I won't let you just… let go. I know there's a better place where you could go but I can't let you go yet. I just can't. I still need you. I need you to be there for me because damn it, you're the only one who knows! You know just how hard this life is for me, you know what I want and you have never questioned it! I know this is selfish and wrong and everything but I can't help it. I won't make it on my own. I need you to be there…"

_Running through the monsoon_

_Beyond the world_

'_Til the end of time_

_Where the rain won't hurt_

Sam took a hold of Dean's hand. It wasn't cold. It was warm and it told Sam Dean was still alive. "You're the strongest person I know. Nothing hurts you and you let nothing affect you. I admire that… I look up to you so much… You don't even know. But I want you to know… Not like this. Please, Dean… Please let me say I'm sorry…"

_Fighting the storm_

_Into the blue_

_And when I lose myself I think of you_

_Together we'll be running somewhere new_

_And nothing can hold me back from you_

"I love you, Dean…"

_Through the monsoon…_

The hand Sam was holding closed around the hand that was holding it.

_Just me and you…_

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

The end

**AN: **Over it is. Tell what you think.

The little flashback was straight from my other story: Fear of a Happy Face. No, I didn't lack inspiration, it just fit in so well. I was gonna use a scene from the show but then I realised this was pre-series. Points for me, huh?

**Lyrics: **Tokio Hotel, Monsoon (Durch den Monsun)

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!


	8. Epilogue

**AN: **My weekend started a little early so I decided that I would make the last chapter longer. So here it goes, the reunion! It's short but it's... sweet. Just brother to brother moment, can I make it more simple than that?

**Warnings: **Language

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**Epilogue**

"Dean…? Dean, oh my God! Dean, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you don't even know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, I'm…"

"You okay?"

"…sor… What?"

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, his voice rough. Sam just stared at him like he had suddenly grown two extra heads. "Sammy? I asked you a simple question. Are you okay or not?"

"You almost died and you…"

"Almost, Sammy. And yes. Now would you answer me?"

Sam stared. He was trying to apologize for almost killing Dean, and there he was, asking if Sam was okay! Just how… fucked up was that? Dean stared back, knowing Sam had heard his question, patiently waiting for an answer. Maybe Sam deserved to recover from his shock first.

"I'm… fine…"

"Good. That's good…" Dean's eyelids started to close again.

"Dean, no!" Dean's eyes snapped open and he looked at Sam, quite confused. Sam bowed his head, feeling the redness climb up his cheeks. "It's nothing, go back to sleep…"

"What is it, Sammy?" Dean asked, not feeling the need to go asleep so strongly anymore.

Sam took a deep breath. This would turn into one of the biggest chick flick moments ever. "You scared me, Dean. I was just… so afraid. I couldn't do anything, I felt so pathetic and helpless and… You would have died if Dad hadn't showed up! And it makes me sick everytime I think about that! I thought you died! I thought you gave up! And if _you _gave up… You don't give up! You're Dean! You're not the one to give up on anything. Specially… I mean… You wouldn't give up your life… You're… Dean…"

Sam turned his head away, trying to hide his tears the best he could. He had cried enough. Dean was fine, what was there to cry about anymore?

"I did."

"You did what?"

"Give up."

Sam's eyes went wide as he turned to look at Dean again. "What?!"

"I honestly thought I wasn't gonna get out of there alive. And let's face it, that woman can talk. So I gave up. And suddenly the coldness was gone I wanted to fight again. I felt like I needed to. Like I had some unfinished business or something. Like telling you to stop apologizing, this is not your fault. And if I have to repeat that one more time, I swear to God you will have to travel with Dad for the rest of your life. Where is he, by the way?"

Sam blinked, coming out of his state of shock. "He went to finish of the spirit… I need to call a doctor…" he said, the thought just occurring to him.

"Not yet, Sammy."

"Dean…"

"If my ear starts to bleed, feel free to call someone, but for now just… Don't, okay?"

"Dean."

"Sam."

And that's how Sam lost that fight. He sighed, shaking his head to Dean's stubbornness. The room fell silent for a while, the only voice coming from Dean's heart monitor.

"I want to hear you say it, Sammy."

"What?"

"That this isn't your fault. I want to hear you say it. You need to believe it, you can't drag the guilt you shouldn't even feel with you forever."

"But…"

"Sam, no. If that woman convinced _me _to stop fighting then that woman an do anything. It happens to the best of us, Sam. You're just a human. A human with high fever, to be exact. Which made you even weaker to that woman's power. This isn't your fault, Sam. I'm proud of you. Okay?"

"I…"

"Sammy."

That was it. All the guilt Sam had felt washed away with that one single word. Sam wanted to smile but all he could do was put his head in his hands, trying desperately to stop his shoulders from shaking. He had finally reached the point where he couldn't keep it all inside anymore. It was just becoming too much…

"Come here."

Sam looked at Dean, frowning. "What?"

"I said come here." Dean was motioning Sam to him, this one time allowing the touchy feely moment go further. Just maybe they both needed it at the moment. Sam hesitated for two seconds, thinking maybe Dean had hit his head harder than they had known and then decided that he didn't care. Burying his head into Dean's shoulder he allowed himself to be hugged as strongly as his injured big brother could manage.

"It's okay, Sammy. It's all okay, now…"

"I… Dean, I…"

"I love you, too, Sammy."

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

**AN: **People in USA: NO SPOILERS IN REVIEWS!!!! I'm one of those people that are so jealous to you right now for the third season won't start here for a loooong time, according to people in high places. Yes, I will probably go check every place possible to get even the slightest idea of what happens in each episode but still, NO SPOILERS! Thank you.

Lots of Love


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